Current Status

CW: Weight, ED

It's been 25 months on Testosterone; when I started taking HRT I weighed about 145lbs and had curves and all that... Today I measured myself for the first time in over a year: Selfie | 50%

  • Waist: 26"
  • Hips: 32"
  • Bust: 32.5"
  • Thigh: 18.5"
  • Neck: 13.5"
  • Height: 5'
  • Weight: 104.5lb

vs July 2016 Pre-HRT/when I last counted: Waist: 35" Hips: 39" Thigh: 25" Bust: 39" In total I've lost ~6"-9" all around and about 40lbs since starting testosterone in Dec 2016.

I feel more comfortable in my body now (I feel like that comes across) but I don't like weighing less than I did during puberty round 1, so one of my health goals this year is to get some weight back. Testosterone devoured all of my fat and my metabolism spiked, so what was fine for an estrogen based pescetarian in their mid 20s to eat is not holding up to what my body needs now that it's doing corrective puberty.

I asked my doctor at my last visit about a referral for a nutritionist because I realized a couple things this semester that impact my ability to actually eat. A large part of that is financial, but the biggest factor is how I internalize ideas about myself in relationship to food.

Eating at school is difficult (but getting better now that culinary knows vegetarians exist on campus) to remember to do, I don't often have the spoons to plan and prepare something in advance. I am often too broke to buy food without guilt, so what occurs is a shame spiral and I wind up not eating because I feel that's what I somehow deserve. Which, I realize is bullshit, but it's something I've been struggling to overcome and financial insecurity has really just enabled that because it gives me an excuse to self-harm and make it sound smart. It sucks. I don't know entirely how to get out of it, but I think having someone who can at least help with the doing by giving me a plan instead of having to make my own will ease things a bit while I figure out the rest.