People on Tumblr mostly think of me as really sick and depraved.
Some people don't believe in the spirits I work and live with, both inhuman and human, and think that I must be imagining things.
Others think that I have "delusions of grandeur" or narcissism for believing that I was a goddess, succubus, or the Bell Witch in a past life.
Still others do believe in the spirits, but think that it's inappropriate or disgusting that I'm in close, intimate relationships with them.
I haven't helped things. My behavior has been erratic, abusive, off the wall, you name it. But I desperately want that to change. I don't want to be known as the "womb wizard" for the rest of my life.
I started watching EA Koetting videos on Youtube, and doing some deep research into how the demons of hell can help shape reality.
Then I realized that, why not let these demons shape me?
Leviathan I've already summoned. She is one scary being. She comes in the form of a massive dragon or sea serpent with glowing eyes. She's enormous, and exerts a huge emotional and energetic field. She always throws off my equilibrium, making me feel like I'm leaning forward or falling. But despite all these things, she knows about the depths of trauma and despair, being the abyss demon she is, and wants to help us out of them. Focusing on her symbol, she dragged me down to her level and told me to focus on a traumatic memory as hard as I could. Only then did she release me.
Azazel, I've worked with in the past, but in order to shape the world around me vs. the one within me. I have invoked his name in workings of social justice, especially in the effort to curb mass shootings. His power is mighty, and his "weapons" (very strong, very aggressive energies that can be directed at a target for any possible intent) are legend. This time, I'm asking him to unleash them inside me, for healing, rebuilding, and growth. I plan to call on him in ritual on the upcoming full moon.
I have yet to summon Zagan, but the way he's described, his powers of transformation are just what I need. I want to bury the bad reputation I've earned and come back new, a completely different person. I will call upon Zagan in a few nights from now, on the lucky new moon, to see what he can't do for me.
In addition to these three, Lucifer has reached out to me recently for the first time. In my three years of practice, I have yet to directly work with Lucifer, instead opting to speak to and invoke his darker aspect, Satan. Lucifer is like Azazel, with the power to unmake and then remake people, only in even more astonishing ways. The catch? He wants to see me summon all the goetic kings before he's willing to speak to me one-on-one.
Safe to say, magically speaking, in 2019, I've got my work cut out for me.